Why chaos?!
There are many interpretations of chaos - void, emptiness, abyss, darkness, nothingness. In Greek mythology, Chaos was the state preceding the creation of the universe. To me, chaos is the gloomy space within, that can give birth to one’s becoming.
I believe self-empowerment naturally happens when we meet our inner chaos. That is, becoming more intimate with our emotional landscape, deep-rooted anxiety (what has also been termed as ‘existential angst’), cumulated stress and the collective pain that transgresses generations, borders and identities.
We commonly compromise our truth in the fear of not being accepted, not being ‘good enough’ or to be seen as ‘normal’. We balance ‘what I really want’ vs ‘what I ought to want’. Then, we end up with guilt or shame for not living by our truth and desires. Since all of these are unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings, we tend to keep them away hidden in a closed and sealed compartment, we engage in our daily lives in what we call ‘emotional bypassing’.
What are you sacrificing by avoiding to face your feelings?
Speaking from personal experience, in my past job, I did not externalise my feelings in fear of being considered ‘weak’, ‘unprofessional’, and ‘not cut-out for that job’. I thought I had to be emotionally detached. However, I was in a field of work that dealt with intense human experiences. Years of suppressing my feelings in favour of being ‘productive’ and ‘keep going’ resulted in my disembodiment - living on autopilot and numbing my ‘pain’. But I could not selectively muffle only what was unpleasant; I also dialled down joy and pleasure.
Only when I made space for that silenced voice to be heard, only when numbness gave way to chaos and I made peace with it, I started shifting my mode of being.
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
— Brené Brown